Growing Up, Together

Knowing my siblings who read this post, they will no doubt think I am going to write about them. But alas, not this time sibs.

Our daughter got married a couple of weeks ago. She and her new hubby had a truly beautiful wedding and the wonderful thing of it was all (or most) we held near and dear were with us to celebrate. Our family, our friends, their good friends. All together under one roof for one night. It was intensely wonderful because we could see the connections between us all, the family, the friends, all wanting the best for the newly married couple.

And then the big celebration is over. The ballroom has been cleaned, the magic of the evening swept away with the mundaneness of everyday living.  People go back to work, back to the gym, back to doing the wash, setting the table, running the vacuum. It all goes back to the minutiae of the minute. And I began to think about what I have learned through my marriage of 34 years. And wondered when did I learn it? When did I learn not to push through the wall of his non-communication? And simply wait until he was ready to tell me whatever it was. When did I learn that my way isn't always the right way (tho it still seems sometimes to me that it must be!)? When did I learn to listen for the rhythm of our give and take without just taking all the time? When did I learn patience? Well, this last one is easy, I still haven't learned it. But I am more patient than I used to be I know for a fact.

When you live with a person whom you love, you begin to change subtly. It isn't suddenly or overnight. I think you begin to try to fit together better, making one whole rather than stubbornly staying in pieces. At least, if love is present, it's more like warm wax. Molding and shifting to become one candle instead of two. But I remember at the beginning of our married life, that it was difficult. We were still used to being these two different people. He did things one way, I another. This was the way his mother did things, this was the way my mother did things. Our daughter has lived with her now husband for a few years beforehand and knows some of those quirks already. But I think marriage brings things out in relief that she might not have noticed before. And I wonder if she saw the shifting, re-adjusting, give and take that her parents were doing? Or did she just assume that her life would be the same and didn't realize that changes had to happen? Did I show her by example the right things or the wrong things? And maybe she learned from my stubbornness the right way to do something which would have been the opposite of me?

But as I said, her newly married life is just beginning. So perhaps its too early to say. I'm glad she is surrounded by loving family and friends. For that surely makes a difference.