It's Dark Out There

I'm typing this at 4:00 am. I started it at around 3:30 and I'm still fiddling around with it. Why, why, why am I up at this hour of the morning? Especially when I have to go to work tomorrow? I have no idea. I thought I heard something about 2 hours ago, which is pretty funny, since the hearing aids come out right before turning out the lights. How acute could my hearing be to "hear something" that hubby didn't hear? I looked out the windows all around the house and nothing looks like it fell down or moved. But I couldn't, just couldn't turn off the brain after that. Thinking about work, thinking about the kids, thinking about the world, thinking about paying the bills, thinking about sleeping. And that's kind of the problem. If I think about going to sleep, it probably isn't going to happen. Trying to "think yourself" into sleep seems counterproductive. Because the act of going to sleep is the way of lessening your awareness, of sliding down into the stream of unconsciousness that allows sleep to happen. And if you're thinking about it, you aren't sliding anywhere except the agitated awareness that keeps you from relaxing.

I think I've spent too much time thinking about this...and the solitaire isn't helping this time. Maybe some warm milk. Does almond milk have the same propensity to promoting sleep? Probably not. Even watching the fish swim around in the tank is not relaxing me. Shouldn't they be sleeping? It's nighttime after all? But of course, they don't have eyelids, so how would you know if they were sleeping. And why am I even concerned about the fish? Okay, I'm turning off the computer now and going upstairs to try and relax myself into sleep. Because it's late. And I have to work tomorrow, er, um today. And I paid the bill I was thinking of, electronically. And oh, no, the hubby is snoring. Maybe another round of solitaire...heavy sigh.