Pictures and Rainy days

I had a great time with my sister today. We shopped and ate our lunch out and laughed and talked. Over lunch she brought out an old photo album she found in the back of her closet. It was an amusing bunch of pictures, some of our parents, some of her husband's parents, some of my wedding shower and rehearsal dinner. Were we really that young looking! And my son has an uncanny resemblance to our younger brother. And my youngest nephew looks amazingly like his father from all those years ago. We were laughing and remembering and suddenly I turned the page and there was a picture of my sister in law with our nephew, my husband's and mine. He was only one year old the year we got married. He light blond hair cut close to his head, he was peering up warily at the photographer.

That nephew passed away this past September. In a senseless way. I don't think of him everyday anymore as I did when it first happened. And my sister felt bad when I saw the picture and got all teary eyed. But suddenly all the little thoughts of him rushed back at me, how it wasn't fair that he wasn't here anymore. That his parents shouldn't have to feel this awful all the time. That his brother and sister shouldn't have to wish he was here for her baby or his engagement.

the world still turns every day. Some wise woman recently said, "the sun comes up and it doesn't care whether I acknowledge it or not." One day moves into the next with either blessed consistency or callow disregard depending on your perspective. Our milestones come and go whether we acknowledge them or not. Maybe its the melancholy of the rainy day, but it seems harsh that he isn't here to see the sun or the rain, the dew on the grass or the moonlight through the trees. It seems like he should have those days and someone older, much older who has seen his share of sunsets and rainbows can have those taken away. But who am I to decide I guess. So I reflect on the pictures and his life, while the rain patters on the leaves outside. Remembering.